Xiu Xiu’s Apistat Commander is one of those songs that you never actually listened to for like two years because it takes so long to kick in that you always instinctually skip it, and then one day you’re standing at an intersection and you’re too lazy to fish out your iPod and press forward so you listen to the whole song for the first time, maybe with the volume a little too high, and you realize finally that the song contains this perfect moment where, like, the sun suddenly bursts out of a cloudy sky but only for 30 seconds before there’s like this terrible, Hepatitis-infected rainstorm that lasts for the rest of your life.
Apistat Commander, covered by Sunset Rubdown. This is what the song would sound like if it were a really good rock song made by a band that didn’t print t-shirts with the phrase “Fun is for assholes” on them.
and of course, Strawberry Yum Yum
notes: my Mom always uses Dream Whip for the instant whipped topping, and it is not clear in the recipe, but you make the Dream Whip according to the package instructions before folding it in. I’ve never tried to make it with just regular sweetened whip cream, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work. It would just make it less lactard friendly.
Oh, and missing from the scanned original (this is my mom’s recipe card) is the back side which says: “Top with remaining crumbs. Freeze. Serve frozen (melts fast).”
And now for my most ambitious maneuver to date: The entire Velvet Underground debut album, The Velvet Underground & Nico (a.k.a. the Andy Warhol album), as rendered in cover form. This is made slightly less ambitious by the fact that I stole most of these files from some dude who already did this, and simply replaced the songs I didn’t like. I’m not including links to the originals, because if you don’t have this album already you’re a dick, but you can become less of a dick today for the low low price of clicking here.
1. Sunday Morning, covered live by Belle and Sebastian. Sung, unfortunately, by the one nobody likes.
9. I’ll Be Your Mirror, covered, inevitably, as a country song by Clem Snide.
10. The Black Angel’s Death Song. This is maybe my favorite Velvet Underground song, so I’m including the original, because even if you’re so much of a dick that you ignored my link above you should at least listen to this song and think, “Ah, now I understand why this is his favorite Velvet Underground song. It makes perfect sense, and also I hate him.” Covered by Bettie Serveert (remember them?) on an album of VU covers. Unfortunately this is the only one I can find, so it’s not a great cover.
Not pictured: A mid to late 90’s appearance of Evan Dando on (I think) MTV’s 120 minutes, where he plays a few lines of Femme Fatale and goes, “It’s the Velvets, kids. The Velvets!” and I was like “Damn, girl” [mimes spending the next week trying to find a band called The Velvets].
Really, the only reason I did this was to introduce you to Messer Chups. Enjoy spending the rest of your day plumbing the youtubian depths of this one, you fuckers.
Johnny Mathis originally recorded Wild is the Wind for a 1957 movie of the same name, so his version is all sad and schmaltzy and Hollywood. Then Nina Simone took it and made it like when heroin makes all your teeth fall out. Then David Bowie took it and made it like when Dennis takes his shirt off on It’s Always Sunny in Philadephia. Then Cat Power took it and made it my favorite Cat Power cover, all bummed out on red wine. Fucking devastating. And then Bat for Lashes took it and, like, prissied it back up:
Xiu Xiu’s Apistat Commander is one of those songs that you never actually listened to for like two years because it takes so long to kick in that you always instinctually skip it, and then one day you’re standing at an intersection and you’re too lazy to fish out your iPod and press forward so you listen to the whole song for the first time, maybe with the volume a little too high, and you realize finally that the song contains this perfect moment where, like, the sun suddenly bursts out of a cloudy sky but only for 30 seconds before there’s like this terrible, Hepatitis-infected rainstorm that lasts for the rest of your life.
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