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Caturday Covers Teen Homicide Fantasies

Posted: March 19th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Caturday Covers | 4 Comments »

Ugh. I guess let’s do this, huh?

Tonight, Tonight – The Smashing Pumpkins
Tonight, Tonight – Passion Pit (I know, right?!), off of The Levi’s Pioneer Sessions

The Smashing Pumpkins were one of the bands that I was basically arm-twisted by teenage love into ever caring about in the first place, and though I had no patience for their more rat-in-a-cagey sentiments, I did own the obvious album and I did listen to it on infrequent occasions. Seeing that this cover existed prompted me to pull “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness” (infinite cringe) out of deep, deep storage recently: just to see, you know, how well they withstood the ravages of time, etc.? AND GUESS WHAT:

The Smashing Pumpkins sound like if Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs had been successful in making a cloak out of human skin. If there had been no Clarice, no Hannibal Lecter to inexplicably give a shit about stopping his rampage of murderous non-normative gender angst, if he had instead managed to finish his fatgirlskincloak and then spent the rest of his life tucking his little penis away and modeling his grotesque trench coat in the mirror, the soundtrack would be “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness” on repeat FOREVER. I think we can agree that deep, deep storage is where this alternate reality belongs.

Nevertheless when I saw that they had been covered by Passion Pit, whose album I truly do love (thanks Misty B., I think) I imagined a nostalgia-drenched party anthem combining majestic summer glowTM with just enough ironic detachment that it could prompt drunk girls to yell “I fucking loved the Smashing Pumpkins” (as though considering it for the first time in their lives) without immediately compelling me to toss my appletini on them. But instead we have what sounds like a rushed attempt to fulfill a contractual obligation with a middling WB teen drama, which manages to capture none of the (ugh) urgency or majesty of the original, despite a few synth lines that sound directly imported from Alphaville (how could that go wrong?) and despite the fact that this is a band that basically traffics in majestyTM–to an extent that I have actually referred to their songs as “fun” and not meant it contemptuously. So we can only conclude that all this was a calculated decision by some committee who insisted that the song have all traces of homicide-inducing gender confusion removed, which I guess shows what we’re left with.

Debaser – The Pixies
Debaser – Rogue Wave, off of “The OC Mix 6: Covering Our Tracks,” NEED I SAY MORE?well, I’m going to

Well before it was this, Debaser was the song that made me want to yell bad things out of car windows, the song that I would turn up so loud my testicles shrank. When you are 18 you think that you might actually stand a chance of being a debaser, until you have lived long enough to see that 9 out of 10 effective debasements happen in board rooms for the consumption of people with tans and functioning abdominal muscles. (And you are not dispositionally-suited for that kind of thing.) The Rogue Wave1 version of this song, from its totally inappropriate channeling of Mark Kozelek2 in the beginning to the fake flute hook, encapsulates everything that is horrible about Modern Life in California.3

1 Who I normally have no problem with
2 Mark Kozelek, who is neither a debaser nor anything that is horrible about Modern Life in California, I would just like to say that for the record. Love u, homie.
3 I promise that I will start posting good songs again next week.

4 Comments on “Caturday Covers Teen Homicide Fantasies”

  1. 1 Drunkle said at 8:24 pm on March 19th, 2011:

    I think you’re dead wrong about MCIS. DEAD wrong. That album is still great. I think your judgment is clouded by the fact that you now fully understand just how much of a douchebag Billy Corgan is. Doesn’t matter, this album and Siamese Dream and both still awesome and do not belong in your Silence of the Lambs alternate reality.

    You’re right about the Passion Pit cover though. Lazy. They should have double timed it or something.

  2. 2 BPB said at 8:49 pm on March 19th, 2011:

    Please. I could never actually enjoy that album once I’d heard a trenchcoat-wearing sixteen-year-old sincerely refer to himself as “a rat in a cage” (I also once overheard him in the hallway whining, “Look at me! I’m a monster! I am!” to his girlfriend). Shhhhuuuuudddder. MC&IS is disqualified from history for making me live through that.

  3. 3 Drunkle said at 3:00 pm on March 21st, 2011:

    Argument accepted. But this means that I get to dismiss every Smiths albums due to similar circumstances.

  4. 4 BPB said at 3:34 pm on March 21st, 2011:

    (ouch) Ok, but